IMG_1047I’ve been processing a lot lately. I’ve been evaluating myself, my life, my relationships.  I’ve been looking at what brings me stress and what brings me joy. I’ve been focusing on my motivation and gratitude. I’ve made tough choices, I’ve made changes, I’m leaving myself vulnerable in ways I haven’t in a long time. It’s been scary and difficult and painful but I am moving in the right direction.  I couldn’t have done it without my support system, my family, my close friends.

I still have a long ways to go. I’m realizing that this world and all its ugliness is leaving my soul tired. It’s depressing and makes my heart hurt. It makes me want to run away, buy an island (like I have money for that), and never interact with the world at large again. Instead I need to be a force of change. I can’t run, I can’t hide. I can only do what I can to make the world a better place.

I have to let go of what I can’t fix because in truth, I want to fix anything and everything that brings me sorrow. I am accepting my limitations rather than dwelling on what I cannot change. I’m letting go and opening up at the same time. It’s hard, I don’t like to let go, but it’s a process and one I’m committed to.


Heavy Heart

shutterstock_306532232My heart is terribly heavy right now. I’m feeling the urge to do something, anything to try and be a positive impact on the world right now. I don’t even know where to start. I’m mourning the lives lost in senseless and unnecessary violence. The current state of affairs in this country of ours is depressing me. As in, one day off, I barely got out of bed and I laid there crying as I read articles about the horrific events happening lately. My heart is hurting but I’m also feeing led to speak out and make a difference. To get involved and do what I can as one human being who sees the need for change and to affect others positively.

I ask that you check out these three videos I’v seen in recent weeks. I ask that you watch these videos with an open mind and an open heart. I know that some people feel like BLM is creating ‘more racial tension’ in this country by focusing on race. I ask you, how does one fix an issue if we can’t admit it exists in the first place?

Trevor Noah we should all be pro black and pro police!

click here

4 Black Lives Matter Myths Debunked | Decoded | MTV News

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Why ‘Black Lives Matter’ Is Important

click here

The Tale of Dishonest Abe aka Another Dating Adventure

Well… I have another dating tale… I recently dipped my toes into the dating pool, as usual, giving only a half-hearted effort because frankly, online dating/dating in general doesn’t seem worth my time and energy. I had a few men contact me from the site and while some were ruled out rather quickly there was one that actually progressed to texting: enter Dishonest Abe.

At first contact Dishonest Abe seemed intelligent and capable of maintaining a reasonable conversational flow. His profile was severely lacking but the messaging aspect seemed decent. The first night we were texting involved all the normal getting to know you questions including my two least favorite questions, “Why are you still single?”   and “Have you dated x race before/do you date outside of your race?” HELLO!!! I’m on a DATING site! I’m talking to you! So clearly I must be ok with dating outside of my race or I wouldn’t respond to your contact.

When Dishonest Abe asked me why I was still single, I gave him the usual answer, “I guess I haven’t met the right man yet,” and then I turned out and asked him why he was still single. He said he’d just been waiting on me… Awwww. *rolls eyes* Since it was such a standard cheesy answer I decided to be sarcastic so I asked him if we were going to jump right into marriage or if he planned on us dating first. He decided we should date first, definitely, and know each other really well before getting married. That was a least a reasonable answer. As the conversation continued I mentioned my younger sister’s upcoming wedding. Dishonest Abe asked me when she was getting married and I told him. He responded with, “That’s cool, you and I are getting married in May 2018.” Strangely enough, commitment- phobe that I am, I found the conversation silly and amusing, so I went along with it.

Dishonest Abe happened to be black and as I mentioned, we had the conversation about one dating outside of their race. With the pivotal questions out of the way, I figured that things would progress as we get to know each other. At this point it was 10:30PM on a Sunday night and Dishonest Abe wanted to meet up. Somehow jumping in my car to meet up with someone I had just started texting didn’t seem like a good plan. I told him I was tired and heading to bed soon.

Throughout the week, we continued texting here and there, joking about our impending nuptials and getting to know one another. We had made plans to go out Saturday evening for our first date. He even told me that he deleted his dating profile which seemed unnecessary since we hadn’t gone on a single date yet. Of course since he put that out there, I had to check, and the only thing he deleted was his pictures from the profile, the profile itself was still there.

Wednesday night, Dishonest Abe and I were texting when he sends me the ominous message, “I have to tell you something,” to which my mind went into overdrive trying to guess what he might have to tell me. I was certainly not prepared for his revelation. “I’m African.” I responded with, “Ok…?” He said, “Well some people don’t like to date outside of their race, so I’m just putting it out there.” I was struck with a sense of déjà vu, hadn’t we already covered this conversation Sunday night? I mentioned to him, “We already discussed this. I have dated black guys before, you’ve dated white girls before.” He responds with, “ I know, just saying. but I wanted u to know that.” We move past that weird conversation that left me scratching my head. I shared the conversation with a couple friends, my mom, and my sister the next day. All of us were laughing over it and we all came to the same two concussions: 1. Either he is talking to multiple women and didn’t remember that he and I already had the race conversation or 2. He was trying to say he was like, straight from Africa (but then, wouldn’t he name the country he was from rather than the entire continent?). Anyway…

Friday was my day off but I knew Dishonest Abe was working so I waited for him to text me. That evening he did contact me, the standard, “Hi how are you,” stuffs but then he makes another confusing proclamation. For one to fully appreciate this conversation I think I need to share it, as it happened:

DA: Hi.. how r u

ME: Good. How are you?

DA: Sick bad

ME: Oh no!!! I’m sorry to hear that

DA: Yes since in the morning

ME: That sucks!

DA: I’m sorry. I could not eat

ME: Huh?

DA: I mean we could not meet today

ME: Well we weren’t meeting today. We were supposed to meet tomorrow…

DA: I know just letting u know

ME: You’re just letting me know that we can’t go out tonight when we never had plans for tonight? It really feels like you’re confusing me at times with someone else…

DA: I know is tomorrow. . I said I’m not feeling good. That way if I’m still sick . tomorrow we may or may not

ME: I see

DA: Yes madame

ME: Yes you said you’re not feeling good but why tell me we can’t meet today? Unless you were meeting someone else today and can’t keep your ladies straight.

DA: I am a one man lady … besides I am too old to play games It doesn’t get u anywhere I’m just telling u out of respect.

At this point, while I was highly entertained I was also over it. Besides, I don’t want to date a ‘one man lady,’ I want to date a one lady man. Saturday came and went without a word from Dishonest Abe but then again, he was ‘sick bad,’ so I wasn’t surprised. Usually at this point I would block a failed dating attempt to prevent further contact but I suspected there may be a little more entertainment value left with this one.

Sure enough, he contacted me Tuesday evening. There was no mention of the date that didn’t happen or the lack of communication from Friday to Tuesday. Being the asshole that I am, I text him, “So I guess Saturday was ‘may not’ huh?” He reiterated that he was ‘sick bad’ and apologized. I told him it was helpful the way he canceled the non-existent Friday plans as a heads up that we wouldn’t go out on Saturday. At that point he text with, ‘how r u my love,’ and as I was know home sick with a stomach bug I didn’t have the energy to play along any more. I told him I wasn’t his anything and wished him luck. Immediate blocking happened right after I hit send.

I think I will stick with my back up plan, which is stay single, adopt about 3 more cats, and drink all the wine while having a great time hanging out with my family and friends. Dating is certainly dating.jpeg


For anyone who has been following my blog for awhile, you know I’m kind of obsessed with my furry critters. If you’ve been to my blog recently you may have noticed that the header, “Meet the Boys,” has been removed. I’ve decided to give my critters their own website/blog. Info on my critters and their adventures will now be found at

I will continue to post and update this blog as well but it will be more on my feminist tirades, mental health experiences, dating, life, etc. All the cute and cuddly and critter focused content will be on its own blog of happy cuteness.

Drunken Idiot AKA I’m Still Angry

The other night a good friend and I met up at a bar. Once upon a time this bar used to be an Italian restaurant my grandparents took me to which is probably why I have a fondness for this location. In the ensuing years it has changed hands and names several times over. Its latest incarnation is a ‘bar and grille’ with an Italian sounding name. As it has changed I’ve visited  a couple of times, finding the food tasty and the prices decent which is why I suggested it as a place to meet up with my friend.

We arrived around 9pm on a Friday night, looking forward to the low key atmosphere of a dive bar. Friday was also Tiger’s opening day which is practically a holiday in the Detroit area and a popular excuse for people to get drunk. Allie and I did not participate in any of the drunken baseball-themed shenanigans. We were two gals looking to have a drink, a little food, and a lot of catching up.

When we sat down at a four top table we saw a gentlemen sitting alone out of the corner of our eyes. The bar was rather small and most of its inhabitants were clustered around a large hightop table. There was a couple sitting at the table adjacent to Allie and I, and another couple at the bar, which left the lone dude at the nearby table. We noticed him try to catch our attention but we both ignored him and started chatting. He got up at one point and we were certain he was coming to our table but he passed us by. We breathed a sigh of relief as neither of us were looking to engage outsiders in conversation.

Our relief was short lived as he soon approached our table. It is not unusual for Allie to be hit on, she’s gorgeous and I’ve never known a woman to get hit on as much as she does. I mean, who else has the man in the car ahead of her at a drive thru pay for her co-


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ffee and leave his number? Drunken Idiot (the nicest name I can give him) came over and tried to chat her up, he offered to buy her beer. Initially I think he offered to buy both of our drinks but when Allie shut him down his attention focused on her. She was sarcastic, as is her nature, and told him she could pay for her own $2 beer. He was insistent, as drunken idiots in bars tend to be, and started rambling about buying her drink as he pulls out a wad of cash. The wad seemed to be mainly fives and ones though I didn’t look that close. I was more interested in the fact this moron, hitting on my friend, had a wedding ring on his finger. Still not interested in him buying her a drink, Allie said to him, “Are you sure? I mean that’s two hundred pennies. That is a lot of pennies,” hoping her sarcasm would give him the hint.

Instead, Drunken Idiot put a five down on the table, looked at me, and instructed me to use it to pay for her beer. I agreed, and did what I usually do, slap on my customer service personality,  be nice and agreeable in the hopes that you’ll leave me alone and not shoot me. Am I paranoid? Maybe. However there’s been a lot of senseless gun violence so I trust no one.

He eventually left our table and our waitress/bartender appeared to take the food order. Drunken idiot came back at that point, rambled on to me about how Allie thought he couldn’t afford to buy her drink but he could afford it. He shrugged as he said he had the money to buy her a drink, blah blah blah. When the waitress left he confronted Allie and accused her of being racist. A logical conclusion to draw from her not wanting him to buy her a drink… (Drunken Idiot is black and Allie and I are both white). He held his hands out in front of her, gestured with one hand at the other, as he mumbled something about how she shouldn’t judge. He turned to me and said that she judged him. I tried to assure him that she hadn’t, she is just very sarcastic. He finally left. Again.

Allie and I went back to our conversation. She had some exciting changes happening in her life, we were both catching up on our (generally) abysmal dating lives, and commiserating about how neither of us know what to do with an actual nice guy (not Drunken Idiot). Shortly after our pizza arrived, another guy came up to hit on Allie on behalf of his friend who was “too shy,” to come over. Guy #1 called Guy #2 over. They chat with Allie and apologized for interrupting our meal. Guy #2 declared himself too old for Allie but let us know we were both invited to his 50th birthday. They went back to their table (the hightop full of people) and Allie and I once again hoped to get back to catching up.

Drunken Idiot thought this was the perfect time to re-approach. He gestured at his $5 still sitting on the table and looked at me. I told him we hadn’t cashed out yet but I would use it for its intended purpose. He rambled on about how he raised two daughters who were both teachers and acted like that was a challenge of some sorts to Allie. He slapped another $5 on the table to signify he could afford to drop more money, I guess. At this point in the evening Allie decided that ignoring him would be the best option. He talked to her and she refused to respond. He looked at me and started asking me questions about her which I tried to answer as vaguely as possible. He then put his arm around me and started to tell the both of us that I needed to teach Allie, I was nice, I needed to teach her. He kissed my temple which, combined with the spitting on my face as he spoke, really got on my nerves.

Finally I decided to be a bit more assertive and told Drunken Idiot we were there for girls night and only wanted to catch up. I hoped that he would get the message and finally leave us alone for good. He kept talking. Allie repeated, in a more assertive tone than I, that we were there for girls night, we hadn’t seen each other in months, we wanted to catch up, and we didn’t want to talk to him. (God I love how ballsy she is!). He determined that we were going to continue to talk to him, at which point Allie flat out asked him to leave us alone. I can still hear her saying, “Can you please just leave us alone?” He refused so Allie said, “Fine, then we’re leaving,” and grabbed her things from the table. I collected my things, leapt out of my chair and followed her. The waitress/bartender stopped Allie, who had been in the lead, and immediately asked what Drunken Idiot had said and offered to go talk to him. Allie told her we wanted to cash out and go. The waitress tried to get more info but Allie wouldn’t give anything else and headed to the bathroom. With Allie gone, I told the waitress that Drunken Idiot wouldn’t leave us alone and accused Allie of being racist when she wouldn’t accept his offer to buy her a drink. The waitress turned on her heels and said she was going to go talk to him. I stopped her and asked her not to, asked her to cash us out and let us leave. Guy #1 came over to cash out at the same time and apologized for his buddy. I still don’t know if he was referring to Guy #2 or the Drunken Idiot. The Drunken Idiot had been hanging out with Guy #1’s crowd and dancing with the women at that table.

Allie and I left angry at Drunken Idiot’s insistence of interrupting our night.We were going to try going somewhere else but decided we should just head to my house at that point. We didn’t want to risk meeting another drunk asshat.

Two days later and I’m still angry. I’m angry that Drunken Idiot felt so entitled to our time and attention. I’m angry that I didn’t have the balls like Allie to just shut him down. I’m angry that I allowed him to put his arm around me and that, in his drunken state, he thought it was ok to kiss my temple. I’m angry that I’m afraid to assert myself in situations like that because of possible violent repercussions. I am angry that in todays’ age, we still live in a world where people think they can get in someone else’s space and not leave them alone. Yep,
I’m still angry.

Discoveries Made While Working From Home

Since December I have been blessed to be able to work from home. My family was a little concerned about me accepting a work from home position. They were afraid I’d turn into a hermit. Other work from home friends said showering would fall to the wayside. I’ve found that in some ways there is a little stigma about working from home. Well, I am happy to report that I have not morphed into a hermit and I  still shower regularly. I am LOVING working from home. I’ve wanted to work from home since I was 20 years old. I just never thought there was a legitimate way to do it. Anyway, here are my discoveries about working from home:

  • if it involves wearing a bra, it’s a fancy day
  • if I do my make-up look out world! (or it is team meeting day and I will be seen by other people)
  • being home with my babies while I work is the best! Except for when they are being a pain
  • while I may be at home and in my pjs all day, I am most certainly working, I have scheduled shifts, scheduled breaks, etc.
  • working from home does not make me want to leap out of bed in the morning to start work, I still miss my bed when I have to leave it
  • despite staring at a computer screen all day, I still use my personal technology a lot
  • once I leave my office, I am done, work day is over
  • breaks are great times for switching out loads of laundry
  • I am (generally) more patient when driving now as I don’t have a time to be somewhere to clock in
  • I am also (generally) more patient of people in stores, though sometimes I still get road rage in the grocery store
  • my body does NOT like sitting for 10 hours a day
  • chiropractors are very helpful for when your body rebels IMG_0213

Introducing Oliver


Oliver checking out Frankie


This post is rather late in coming but I need to officially welcome Sir Oliver into my family. While I’ve always enjoyed cute and friendly cats that belonged to other people, I did not, personally have great success with them. In fact, I swore I’d never have a cat. I would tell anyone who’d listen that cats were a-holes and who needed them? If friends of my mine had friendly kitties, well, I just adored them. Still, I didn’t want a cat for myself that I had to take care of until,  one day, I did.

For months Valarie (the roommate) and I would joke about bringing home a kitten. If the dogs did something annoying we’d say to the other, “Did you get a kitten yet?” If one of us went to the store we’d joke, “Bring home a kitten please.” This went on for some time but without much intent behind it. Then I reached out to a friend who is in charge of adoptions at a local rescue that I adore (the friend and the rescue). I  knew when I did that, I would soon have a cat.


Sleeping buddies

I expressed all of my concerns to this friend, what if it has a high prey drive? Frankie is so small. Dane is so old and crabby. Milo is very energetic and gets VERY excited if he sees a cat. Would a cat blend well into my household? Would I be better to get a cat or a kitten? The questions went on  and on, God bless her for her patience.

She agreed that a kitten would probably be the easiest to blend into a home with three dog. It just so happened the rescue had a rather tiny kitten that needed a new foster home by the end of the week. He was a long hair fluff ball who didn’t make sense to me in his pictures. His face was that of a tabby, striped and handsome. His body? Varying shades of grey (no, not 50 shades). I ran it past my sis, making sure she was still on board. This all happened on a Tuesday afternoon. Friday, January 8th Oliver came home.

We agreed to do a foster- to- adopt. This way all the critters would get a few weeks to get to know each other and see if it was a good fit all the way around. (I would HIGHLY recommend fostering to adopt if you’re considering adding an animal to your home but not sure if you/they are ready.) My friend had told me he was a sweetheart and that I would melt. Sure enough, the first moment I held him and he snuggled into me purring I was a goner. I text her the next morning and told her that Oliver was home.


Oliver claims his freedom, Dane doesn’t suspect a thing.

For the first two weeks Oliver was kept in the living room, separated from the dogs by a baby gate. We did start introducing them that night, slowly and entirely supervised. Within two weeks Oliver decided he’d had enough of their separation and leapt the gate thereby claiming his freedom.

It’s been a couple of months since the little monster joined the family and I fall more and more in love with him every day. Milo was obsessed with him from the beginning and the two are the most adorable friends. Frankie is not as thrilled with Oliver mainly because Cranky Frankie likes his sleep. Oliver likes to pounce on blankets that move. It’s a disagreement we are collectively working out.  While having a kitten is a very new experience it is one I am greatly enjoying. I am sure there will be far more tales to come. I have to go for now, he just stole something off my dresser that I need to reclaim…


Exhausted from being too darn cute!