Somewhere Between Success and Giving Up

The last month or so I’ve been hovering somewhere between feeling successful and feeling like a failure and wanting to give up. As anyone who has read my blog in the past knows, this is not unusual. I, like most, am full of contradictions.

I had written not too long ago about the challenges of living with an old dog. My Daney dog is still around and doing better. We did some extensive testing at the vet, something I had sort of put off out of fear. Which makes me an ass, I know. Turns out the little guy has early stage kidney disease. He’s now on a special canned food, a powdered supplement, and daily pain meds on top of his joint supplement. The changes we’ve made have really increased his mobility and he isn’t such a sad old man now.

However, the last week or two he has been back to getting me up nearly every hour at night, he’s had about a dozen accidents in the house, and again it’s taking a toll on me. Mix in a recent case of strep throat for me that occurred after battling allergies/a cold for 3 weeks and I’m exhausted. To that end, I will soon be going in for allergy testing to determine exactly what I’m allergic to and plot a course of action so that I’m not regularly a congested, miserable, snotty mess.

As I was getting over strep, my online class started and to be honest, I panicked and nearly gave up on it. I was afraid the work load would be too much and all I really wanted to do when I wasn’t at work was sleep. I pushed myself, ventured to the site and looked at the assigned work. To my delight it wasn’t a heavy workload after all. I’m glad that I pushed myself and I’m sticking with the class. I know my first instinct if something is hard is to quit. At some point I have to get past that and push through. So here is to pushing through.

My plan for the rest of this year is to keep on keeping on, to push myself to do better, be better. To graciously accept the opportunities presented to me, and to be kinder to myself and others. IMG_0131