Coming Together/Falling Apart

It has been a very long time since I have sat down to write. For one thing I was pretty busy, between a trip to Vegas, evidently going on a dating spree, and a few other miscellaneous stuffs I have been MIA. There have been words, raw emotions, and stories inside of me that have wanted to come out but I needed time to process. Here goes…

A few months ago now, I started seeing someone. He was kind of amazing (still is) but we are no longer seeing each other. It was one of those out of nowhere things that happened, which is always the best kind, and then out of nowhere it kind of fell apart. 

I was really, truly, hurt. I didn’t realize in our brief time he had gotten in so deep. We still talk now, as friends, and I am grateful for the experience we had. While it sucked to see it fall apart, the situation made me realize that I am not broken. I can care for a man and actually let someone in, and when I do, I actually want to see that person more than once a week. (Yes I am very twisted and a commitment phobe). 

Usually for me, dating feels like work- at least to some degree. Even if I am kind of excited about the guy I have to force myself to make plans because I am a homebody. I prefer my quiet time. Well this guy came along and I found myself wanting to see him. It wasn’t an intrusion or an inconvenience. So all in all, it was a good thing, a reminder to me of what is possible. Granted, had I written about it a month ago I would be singing a different tune, which is why I waited. I had to grieve and be hurt and accept and then I could finally see what good had come forth from it all. 

After that situation, I seem to have fallen into a dating spree. Three dates over the past three weekends, none of which shall lead anywhere. Part of me feels like giving up on dating, or at least taking a break. However, I do have a weakness for attractive men so I know myself enough to know the next attractive male that comes along, I’ll make plans to see. 

On another note, I have been doing a little better at that whole domestic thing. In the evenings I have taken the time to go outside and pull weeds, spray weeds (I HATE chemicals but I have yet to find a good solution to them), cut lawn, clean inside the house, etc. It’s a good feeling when I take on a project and finish it, seeing the results of my work. 

I’ve also been playing with a software that would help me to create an ebook and publish it. So before the end of this year I think I will finally publish my morbid poetry online. All in all, things are coming together even if some days I am falling apart.