It’s been a few weeks so I think it is time to address what happened with “The Flyer.” If you are not sure what I am talking about you can read the first entry here.
I was struggling for a little bit as to what to do about A. We had an amazing connection, instant chemistry. The communication had been going well during the week he was gone. We were both pretty open with each other about life, likes, dislikes, etc. For the first time in a LONG time I had been very excited about a guy, felt there was some potential.
The fact that it crashed and burned so hard when we hung out in person, albeit with my sisters and their boyfriends was disappointing. I literally hurt inside, thinking about it all coming to a close. There were, however, a few red flags…
First, when he got to the bar to meet up with us, he was very pushy. He was insistent on going to play pool, goading my sisters’ boyfriends into a game, or rather attempting to. Neither of them would budge on the fact they were not playing pool. Despite everyone at the table saying no, he still went over to secure a pool table. Luckily, they were all taken or things really could have gotten awkward.
Second, while I was in the restroom he decided to confront my sister, the roomie, about not being comfortable to go pick him up because she didn’t know him at all. He decided they needed to get to know each other so he spills all kinds of personal, intimate details about his life. She, in turn, asked a follow up question that really pissed him off (which I had to hear about later that night).
Third, while the plan had been for my sisters to leave and A would drive me home, they decided to pull the protective sibling bit and not leave. When I tried to tell him, as delicately as possible (but according to my friends I guess I wasn’t so delicate), that they were going to stay and drive me home, he got visibly agitated.
Fourth, once he learned that my sisters were sticking around he pretty much cashed out on the spot and grabbed his coat in a bit of a huff to leave. I walked him out so that I could have at least two minutes alone with him. Plus, I really wanted a kiss, despite the awful evening. When we were walking to the car he said to me, “You’re kind of an asshole, you know that?” I was stunned. I couldn’t have possibly heard him correctly. I questioned him, if what I thought I heard was actually what he said. It was. He then proceeded to explain why he felt that way and while the name calling is NOT cool, his feelings that he expressed after were totally valid.
He was upset that after driving to see me (and he doesn’t like to drive) we didn’t even get to spend any time alone together. It was our first time really hanging out and it was not exactly what either of us had bargained for. My sisters were not exactly nice with some of the things they said to him, which I agree with. I am sure he felt like he was being brought before the firing squad. They were pretty brutal.
Him and I talked outside by his car then later that night on the phone. The communication was really good, honest, open. I was still concerned about the asshole comment. His feelings were valid but name calling is not acceptable in my book. As we continued to talk on the phone he went on to tell me how sensitive he is but most people think he is an asshole. Red flag, red flag! If most people think you’re an asshole… Could it be, because you are? I didn’t ask him that. The night had been bad enough and I still liked him but now had reservations about him. My brain was tired and I didn’t want to go down that road.
A week later, at Sunday dinner, A’s name came up. All the suspects were present (except him of course). My sisters and their boyfriends volleyed one joke/jab/insult after another about him. Not in a particularly cruel way, just the usual sarcasm that abounds in my family. It was during this conversation that I learned A had confronted the roomie about not picking him up. The details of his life he had willingly spilled to her. Which totally invalidates his anger at her asking him one question in relation to the details he so openly offered.
All things considered, I knew that A had to go. That there was no future there after all. No possibility. There were way too many red flags. His life is far too complicated for me to get wrapped up in. And he smokes. One of my best friends told me we will never know if he was an asshole because I set him up for failure and chose to cut and run without exploring it further. Well, that is slightly paraphrasing what she said but it is the gist of it. She is right in some ways. Maybe if we had gone out just him and I, maybe if he hadn’t felt so attacked and met my family on the first date, maybe…
So many maybes but what is done, is done. I did screw up. I was too excited to see him. Haste makes waste. I made a bad call that probably created most of the other bad calls, leading to his mistakes. No matter, I screwed up, he acted out, and it is over. There is no more fork in the road, no more question, I am veering left and seeking out the life I deserve. One that doesn’t involve A.