The Flyer

A couple of weeks ago I came home from work and saw a rather loud looking flyer on my kitchen table. My sister had brought the mail in. Typically all flyers and advertisements get filed immediately, in the recycle bin. For some reason I looked this one over. It had a little scratch off deal like a lottery ticket. I grabbed a coin and went to town. It said I won. Three little piles of cash had been revealed by my efforts. Despite being a “winner” normally I would still file it away but since the dealership was close to my home I thought, I really didn’t have anything to lose. Clearly they already had my name and address so it wouldn’t result in any more junk mail. The smallest prizes were lottery tickets or ten dollars cash. The grand prize was ten thousand dollars, which would have been nice.

My next day off I headed up to the dealership, flyer in hand. A group of car salesmen were loitering outside, probably enjoying temps above freezing. The parking lot was horribly small and made me uncomfortable. As I got out of my car one man stepped forward asking what he could do to help and I held up my flyer saying I was there to collect my prize. He was cute. Really cute. He made a comment about my ripped up jeans, asking if I had bought them that way, if they were my holy jeans that I wore to church. We had a nice banter going and I was thinking, “man, he’s cute, and he is flirting with me.” We went to the board where the prizes were listed. I won… A lottery ticket. He went in the back, got me my ticket, and walked me out. I scratched it off on the way home while I was at a red light. It was a loser. 

When I got home, the cute guy was still on my mind. Something about him had intrigued me. I had recently given up on internet dating and was focusing on self improvement rather than finding a life partner. I debated as to what I should do about this cute guy and ultimately I called up to the dealership and asked him out for coffee. I figured I was never going to visit that dealership again so I had nothing to lose. He gave me his number promptly after my invite and told me lived out of state. I commented what a commute that must be and he told me to call him later and he would tell me all about it. 

Turns out he was leaving the next day for a week, to go to his home state. He is here three weeks of the month but goes home for a week. That week he was away we texted, talked on the phone, even video chat. We communicated every day. There was a definite connection between us, one I had not felt in a long time. I was excited and ready to be vulnerable and let someone in. Was this the ideal situation? A guy on his second divorce, with a kid, and a smoker, plus living out of state? Probably not… But when you meet someone and have that spark, well, it is worth exploring. 

Last Sunday A got back into town. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to see him. Being a Sunday, of course, I had dinner with the family. On top of that we finally moved the gas stove from my uncle’s house to mine and replaced his with the electric one from my house. My sisters’ boyfriends were used for their muscles during this endeavor. I wanted to thank them for their kindness so after family dinner my sisters, their boyfriends, and I went out for drinks. I invited A to meet us. There was some back and forth as to whether or not he was going to come up to the bar. Finally he did. 

In case there was any doubt… First dates + meeting the family = disaster. My sisters decided to pull the protective vibe. Questions were asked of A that were not really appropriate for them to ask. While they had been planning on leaving and letting him drive me home, suddenly they were not leaving. Our first date and the only time A and I had just the two of us was when I walked him out to his car. He was mad. I felt horrible. The night had not gone how I had planned at all. We chatted for a few minutes before he took off. I rode home with my sis. 

A and I talked on the phone after I got home. He explained where he was coming from on things and I thought all was ironed out. His next free day was Friday (Valentine’s Day). We agreed we would go out, just him and I. When I went to bed that night I thought that things may be all right despite a horrible first date. The next few days I text A and would get brief responses if any. My gut was telling me this romance was done before it had really had a chance to start. The last I had heard from him was one sentence on Wednesday, replying to a text I sent him Tuesday night. Valentine’s day came and went without so much as a word from him. 

Last night however, he text and called as if nothing was wrong. Which means now I have a choice to make. Do I give him a shot yet? After being ignored all week? After him bailing on our plans or not acknowledging them? Do I let him in still? Or do I walk away? The magic has faded already as I have begun building walls around my heart in an effort of self preservation. There were a few things he said and did that were small red flags. He is a smoker, which is a disgusting habit that I cannot stand. He has a complicated life. Then again, no one is perfect and all relationships come with their challenges. So here I stand, at the fork in the road…

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Happy Hallmark Holiday

Happy Hallmark Holiday!!! So, confession, I’m not into Valentine’s Day. I think it is so over hyped that most romantic relationships cannot live up to the ideal presented to us in every store, movie, book, commercial, etc. I feel like the people who buy into the hype are typically left disappointed, spouses and significant others end up in the doghouse. 

I, however, have the perfect Valentine’s, in the shape of my pups. They are amazing and love unconditionally. I started me day with puppy snuggles and as I write this Dane, my handsome old man, is laying on the chair next to me. Frankie is barking at whatever imaginary threats he sees out the window (I have checked several times, I see nothing to bark at). Milo is bounding around hoping that one of us will give in and play with him. 

That being said, I am incredibly grateful for those around me that I love and love me in return. I was greeted with several texts from my girlfriends this morning, a few facebook comments, and I am surrounded by love. Days like today serve as a reminder for who and what I have to be thankful for. 

Now… if I were in a relationship, I think the perfect Valentine’s day would go as follows: perhaps some flowers and a card, a home cooked meal or carry out, and watching a movie at home, hanging out, being silly. I think that would be kind of amazing. If I lived somewhere warm, then going out for a nice long walk with the pooches in a pretty location would be awesome. 

Now, I think I am gonna go start my day!

Random Sunday Rambling

Today is probably going to be more of stream of consciousness type thing rather than a planned out thought process. (Wait, I think that is how I always function?)

This winter has been a beast. The last several years our winters have been rather mild. Some snow here and there. An ice storm to round the season out. Cold but not terribly so. This winter? Ha. It’s been frigid. Temps dropping to the negative numbers thanks to windchill, and snow. So much snow. Thank God I invested in a snowblower this year. It’s been well used. I feel so bad for my dogs because they have a little path we made with the snowblower to give them a chance to get out and do their thing. Half the time little Frank cowers out there and dances in front of the door to just come back inside. Milo doesn’t have room to run around out there since the snow is so deep. Dane is the brave one, my ten pound chihuahua and trudges through it despite the snow being up to his chest. He is shivering by the time he comes in but it seems he needs just the right spot to do his business.

Last night in an effort to wear Milo out I was literally throwing one piece of dog food at a time for him to chase down. He loved it. My dogs love if I sprinkle their kibble on the floor and they have to chase it around. They are so weird. To make them all happy (and prevent scuffles), I put a pile down in front of Dane, one in front of Frank, and threw food for Milo. He would happily bounce after it, sniffing it out if the piece slid under the coffee table. When he came back we’d do different commands: sit, down, paw. I was also working on “come,” since he is awful about that. Yes, this was my Saturday night and I loved it.

I mentioned in my last post how I am working on keeping the focus on the goodness in life. I’ve gone back to reading the book, “The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.” I watched the movie years ago with T and it changed my life. Her and I watched it together. While part of me saw it as cheesy and “new age” something about it struck a chord in me. To sum it up, we are what we think. Not an uncommon concept at all. My return to, “The Secret,” and working on my inner self has been a long time coming. Losing my uncle sparked something inside of me. The reality of how short and precious life is. A reminder that there is so much I want to accomplish yet and I have a limited time to do it in. I want to make my time here on earth count, to improve the lives of those around me, the lives of the people I meet.

Recently people have posted about the rice experiment on Facebook. If you’re not familiar, check it out here. The idea that the energy we put out there can affect so much around us, I knew I needed to get back on track. Hence, reading “The Secret,” and starting my day, every day with gratitude. Before I get out of bed or as I am getting ready in the morning I start thinking of all the things I am thankful for. When I go to bed, I do the same. I am also focusing my energy on what I want out of life. To be a writer, to work from home on my own terms, to be the best person I can be for my pups, for my family, for my friends, for everyone I meet. To make the best out of all situations and to not allow situations or circumstances drag me down.

As I wrap this up for today, I am thankful for the delicious breakfast I cooked, the coffee I drank, and the puppy snuggles that started my day.

The World Just Keeps on Spinning

The only constant in life is change and my life has experienced more than a few lately. I’ve not written because… Well, I didn’t know how to word things or what I wanted to address. It has been so much…

My Uncle John passed away December 2nd.  He went back into the hospital back in November. During that time it was discovered he had a bleeding ulcer in his small intestine that was actually cancer, stage 4 to be exact. The hospital recommended hospice care and said there was nothing left to do. Uncle John said he was going to fight to the very end and fight he did. He was hospitalized for approximately two weeks. Got out before Thanksgiving and seemed to be improving. We were trying to get him into a local research hospital but it was too late. 

He went back into the hospital the Friday after Thanksgiving and passed that Monday. It threw us all into a bit of a tailspin. Grief is a tricky bastard, as I have said before. Suddenly there were funeral arrangements to be made, potentially flying relatives in from out of state, notifying people of his passing, writing an obituary, etc. Of course, my job was amazing which was one less thing to stress about. 

During this time, the boy (and he is a boy) that I wrote of from my past, The Marine had come back into my life. Things seemed to be going well until my Uncle’s health took a turn for the worse. Then the Marine bailed on me. Well, I’m sure in his mind his behavior was acceptable but for me, it was the last straw. I want a partner in my life, in good times AND in bad. When he couldn’t be there for me during such a dark time I knew that I had to cut him out of my life. I did attempt talking to him about things. It fell on deaf ears. So I did the only thing I could. Cut him out of my life for good. Deleted him from my phone, from social networking, blocked his number. I wish him well, I just can’t have him in my life. It isn’t healthy and it isn’t fair to either of us. 

Despite these recent losses, I am feeling stronger than I have in a very long time. The family is sticking together and my friends have been a godsend. Things are coming along. Nowadays, I’m focused on all the goodness there is in this life. Yes, there is sadness, darkness, loss but there is also love, light, happiness, and laughter. 

So as I wrap this up for today, I would like to leave with a thought of gratitude. I am thankful for a full belly that came from a lovely breakfast with my sister and my best friend. I am blessed to have the money to go out to eat and wonderful company to share a meal with. I am thankful to be able bodied and remove the snow from my driveway and sidewalks. I am thankful for the love of my dogs that is unwavering. Have a wonderful day people 🙂